Constructive Feedback
The following is an excerpt from the article “6 Steps to Having a Tough Conversation with a Church Staff Member” by Jay Mitchell. To access the entire article, click here.
The ability to have a hard conversation with a church staff member or volunteer is a skill that every church leader needs to develop. When handled poorly, it can create distance, damage personal relationships, de-motivate the team, and decrease productivity and impact. When handled well, it can become a catalyst for growth for both the individual and the church.
Unfortunately, very few church leaders learn how to develop this valuable skill except through trial and error. As a result, many leaders feel a lot of anxiety about having to have tough conversations. We put it off hoping the issue will go away, or when we finally hit our limit, we address it with an angry outburst or passive-aggressive comment that ends up doing more harm than good.
How can we deliver feedback that will be heard and result in positive growth? Here are six tried-and-true steps to having a tough conversation.
1. Determine the real issue.
Before initiating any conversation, take some time to determine exactly what the issue is that needs to be addressed. What specific behavior or activity needs to change? What specific examples can you give? Is this a personality conflict (which is going to be very hard to change), or is it a correctable problem?
Pray through the issue and ask that God give you clarity, wisdom, and grace. Be sure you have processed our own feelings about the issue. Can you be objective and open? If you are angry or frustrated, are you able to set those feelings aside so that you can have a constructive conversation?
2. Create a safe environment for the conversation.
Think through where and when you will have this conversation. Plan ahead. Where will the conversation take place? In an office, conference room, café etc? You will want to create an environment that allows you to be perceived as an ally and partner rather than an adversary.
Some simple tips that can be helpful:
- Don’t sit behind a desk or a table. Sitting behind a desk only creates an unnecessary barrier.
- Don’t have the conversation on the fly or standing in a hallway. If you aren’t prepared to have the conversation, it’s likely that they won’t be prepared to hear your concerns without being defensive. Minimize any chances of others overhearing the conversation or interrupting you.
- Don’t address the issue in a group setting.
- If this is especially sensitive and needs to be documented, be sure to have someone else in the meeting as an objective third-party.
3. Be specific & objective.
Start by setting the stage with a specific example of what you want to talk about. For example: “When we were in staff meeting the other day, I noticed that you didn’t participate in the discussion about ______.” Or “You missed 3 of our last 4 scheduled meetings.”
Be objective. Simply describe the behavior or issue in objective terms. Avoid subjective or universal language, such as “You didn’t seem engaged” or “You always arrive late.” Be careful not to assign intent to the behavior.
4. Describe how the behavior impacted you, others, or the church.
Once you have described the problem or issue, now it’s time to talk about how that behavior has impacted you or the organization. “We really value everyone’s input, and when you don’t participate in the conversation, I get concerned that you aren’t on board with where we are going.” Or, “We had a number of volunteers leave when you didn’t arrive on time to meet them. That really hindered our ability to create a successful event.”
It’s very important that you don’t make assumptions about their intent or motives. Saying “You just don’t seem to care about our volunteers!” will only lead to the other person getting defensive and talking about all the ways they DO care about the volunteers.
5. Ask an open-ended question that invites their feedback & participation in the solution.
This is perhaps the most important step in having a successful difficult conversation. A lot of us can deliver the bad news, but only the best of us will ask for a response and invite the other person to help solve the problem. “Does what I am saying make sense to you? Can you help me understand what was going on with you during that meeting?” Or, “What are some things you can do to address this issue? How can I help you?”
This is the crucial step that can turn a difficult conversation into something that catalyzes growth and change.
6. Set a time to revisit the conversation.
Once you have had that initial hard conversation and have agreed on some of the changes that need to be made to address the problem, set up a time in the next few weeks to revisit the conversation. If there have been noticeable changes, give specific affirmation of those changes. If changes have not been made, revisit the changes in behavior that you had discussed in your previous conversation and explore what worked and what didn’t.
Leaders of healthy organizations view hard conversations not as a necessary evil but as a welcomed catalyst for growth.
For more tips on this topic, check out Reliant’s Leadership Learning Series webinar on Handling Difficult Conversations in the Workplace.
Verbal & Written Warnings
Hopefully rare, occasions when poor performance or unmet expectations continue, corrective action to guide the staff member back on track may be necessary. As their recognized supervisor, you are responsible and accountable for the staff member’s performance of duties. Verbal and written warnings are a tool to help staff members get back on track.
The level of action taken will depend on severity, impact, and frequency of correction. Depending on the issue, a final warning may be given first if there is sufficient reason. Please work closely with your Program Team Lead on any disciplinary or corrective actions taken on a Reliant employee. (See Corrective Action.)
Listed below are some guidelines to follow and an explanation of the Employee Warning Notice.
- Date of Warning – It is always important to document dates for employment actions taken.
- Type of Violation – This is a general description of the problem behavior.
- Previous Corrective Action, Warnings, or Reprimands – If there is a pattern of behavior, it is important to document this. List out any prior warnings, whether they are similar to the current problem behavior or not.
- Supervisor Statement – This is where a longer explanation of the problem behavior can be given as well as anything discussed with the employee. Attach extra sheets as necessary. Always be careful to document facts, not opinions about the facts. If you believe the individual was defensive, what things did the person do or say that led you to believe that.
- Employee Statement – The employee also has an opportunity to respond in writing.
- Action Taken – What type of employment action is being taken? The HR department will work with the supervisor to decide the appropriate action and next steps as well as the consequences if the behavior occurs again.
- Signatures – It is crucial that all parties sign the document. If the employee refuses to sign, the supervisor may write such and sign.
Rewards & Recognition
“Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful; and let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds, not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more, as you see the day drawing near.” Heb. 10:23-25
We all need encouragement even when we know we are going in the right direction. Most people, when surveyed, say that recognition for a job well done is even more important than monetary compensation.
Positive feedback is essential for rewarding accomplishments, acknowledging strength, or seeing growth in an area. It is also important when you have given someone a standard of performance or some constructive feedback, and you see the person making improvements in those areas.
For any feedback (constructive or positive affirmation) to be effective, it should be done immediately or as close to the behavior as possible. It should be specific, and it is also helpful if it is linked to the impact. For example: “I know you’ve been working on having a servant’s heart. I know it isn’t easy for you. I noticed how you served Joe by helping him tear down everything after the event last night. I really appreciated that. It encouraged Joe and set a good example for Barry. Thanks!
Career Development
Vocational ministry provides opportunities to develop a long-term career path. Longevity in vocational ministry is more likely if an employee sees development potential. Some individuals will go on staff with a shorter-term in mind, possibly 2-5 years. Many will desire this to be a longer-term career. One aspect of providing that opportunity is helping them with development.
Reliant offers an Education Reimbursement benefit that allows full-time employees who have been employed for one year or more to reimburse classes related to the job up to $5250 per year as a non-taxable reimbursement (see Continuing Education). Many employees take seminary classes to enhance their ministry skills or Bible knowledge.
Books or seminars may also be tools to help someone grow in their career. Another idea might be to have someone strong in an area “mentor” someone who isn’t. This can help both individuals in their career development – one with receiving mentorship in an area of need and another in developing the skill of coaching someone in a given area.
