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I just reviewed a handful of letters and these were the most common pieces of feedback: 

• If you have a shortfall in monthly support, you don’t need to mention it in your EOY appeal letter. It only muddies the water by getting people to think about your monthly support and how sustainable your ministry is, etc. Keep the focus on vision for the new year and end of year giving.
  
  
• Add a greeting with the person’s name. Hand-address. Return address can be a sticker or stamp. Consider a different size or color envelope than the standard white #10.
  
  
• Be careful not to mention a bunch of numbers (need to raise $#, to reach # students, by # date, could you give $### or $## or $#). It quickly confuses. Consider simplifying and list the total you’re prayerfully asking the Lord to raise and the amount you’d like them to consider. For example:  Would you seek the Lord on giving an intentional gift of $2,000, or some other amount? PS – This amount could be a great question to put before the Lord, so you have that confidence behind the number. 
  
  
• Say you’ll call. Some prefer to list in the letter a specific date on which they’ll call. You can hand-write this with a little note at the bottom of the letter, for a personal touch.
  
  
• List where to send a check. A lot of year-end givers are check-writers. Make it easy on them by mentioning checks should be made out to Reliant with your name in the memo line and can be mailed to Reliant at 11002 Lake Hart Dr., Suite 100, Orlando, FL 32832.
  
  
• If emailing your letter add something different in the subject line so they know it’s a personal email from you and not a prayer letter. Add a greeting with their name and a personal note at the beginning.